“Manipulative” never been called that before, it hurts but hey it’s the truth right?

I think i’m finnaly ready to throw in the towel. It sucks i thought maybe there was that slight hope, but you just felt like crushing that.

Last night was a rollercoaster and now i’m sick.

Everyone has a flight of stairs to conquer called life.
This is just one stepping stone or “stair” that i have to conquer!

But i still love you it’s hard to just turn my back now.

The title to this poem is

“WHY/IF?”

Why do you fall for someone
if they let you hit rock bottom?

Why try so hard to make someone smile
if all they do is make you frown?

Why love someone
If they can’t even like you back?

Why spend so many months getting to know somoene
If all they want is to leave when they know you?

Why fight to the bitter end
If all there is; is a bitter end?

Why do people just want to leave all of a sudden?

I guess if you want to leave so badly, just shows how much you really care.

Monday 1/11/10

What’s the point of setting an alarm clock to 6:45 if it doesn’t even go off?
Why did I invest my $17.43 at target to get a device that can’t even go off when it’s suppose to?

Many questions raced through my head as I woke up at 7:45 a good hour AFTER i was supposed to.

What did wake me up was a late call by Adam saying if i still needed a ride to school. Aggrivated I got up saying “yes”. The worst part about this mornining, the inability to take a shower. Nothing really makes me more annoyed then not having proper the hygiene i’m so paranoid about.

What makes this morning even more of a mess was the fact that I needed to get up early to finish homework.Also print out my autobiography essay for my psychology class. Unable to do anything i had intended to, isn’t the ideal monday morning.

Racing out of the house we managed to arrive 2 minutes late to school, unable to even go into my class because of Professor Kliens’ strict tardy policy.

We went to the cafeteria, nothing really sounded good but i managed to get a moon over my hammy. An overeasy egg, hashbrown, inside a buiscuit.

[Note to self]
Why is it the only time I can desrcibe something is when it has to do with food!

I breezed by most of my classes without paying much attention. I’m getting used to school already and the schedule I picked isn’t a bad one either. It seems that four solid hours of class is the way to go knocking back 21 units couldn’t be easier.

An alarm sound quickly put hault to my english class we all went outside. 15 minutes later after the police and firetruck arrived they gave us the okay signal to go back into class.

Talked about economics in my buisness class and also a very interseting story about my professors experience in WWII.[Goes to show how old my professor is]
Although being in his class seems like a blast from the past story telling shindig.
I actually like hearing him talk gives an inside perception on how the older generation thinks.
Which in my humble opinion we should listen to.

Beacuse what better saying is…
“Been there and done that”

I still havn’t gotten used to waking up at 7 because I can’t even stay up the whole day. I always end up taking an afternoon nap. Which I feel throws off my sleep for later on in the night.

Days lately haven’t so sad strucken, being single isn’t all that bad right?

I remember a year ago I said the only way i know how to be is single.
It’s crazy how single you really think you are there is always someone that can quickly break that. Turning your way of thinking upside down. Making you realize that a counterpart can make you a better person.

It helps show another side of yourself, well at least for me it does. A compassionate, caring, sincere side. That I fail to display most of the time because I mostly hang out with guys.

Wicked is coming up and I feel my current situation is somewhat of a giant mess.
Trying to establish what you two are after a break up is really hard.
Mixed feelings and an accustomed way of thinking hinders just being the so-called “Friends”

Enough rambling for today.
Thanks for Reading.

My Weekend started with red lobsters cheap scam to get more customers.The above picture is called ”Garlic Herb Shrimp.” The notorious 2 for X amount. Yes this 2 for 30 dollar meal attracted many people. For the first time on a nonholiday, we had a half an hour wait. I walked out with pretty happy, as a i had earned about 160 dollars in tips.
Ceases to amaze me when i get serious about serving how pepole really do enjoy the service i give.

Homework plauged my weekend, 3 essays, a 20 minute freewrite, and also a resume. Made me stay home the whole weekend. I was invited to so many things.

But the tiredness prevailed on saturday night.

I think i’m over the whole partying scene for now. Maybe a nice chill back winter is what i need?

“Focus”

Fridays are always interesting go to school, don’t have to worry about work. Working for a restuarant as a server and saying fridays are my days off is a rarity.

  The short-lived night started with me leaving the house at 8. I dropped off a cheesecake to my friend by baskin robins. Afterwards, headed over to Red Robin located at Eastridge Mall. As soon as I arrived, I saw my friend that had just returned from Chicago, Miguel, standing next to him was Thang. They were smoking a cigarette as I walked up them. Then we all went in. Saw alot of my friends that I haven’t seen in while. Hotch, Keith, Bernard, Mike, Josephine,Thang, JP, Tiffany, Eidrif, Raymond, were all sittin’ there. I arrived late and everyone had ordered already, it was fine since i ate before i came anyways. We still got free fries with camp fire sauce that tasted kind of bacon, but, supposedly it was chipotle and some other ingrediate that fades my memory at the moment.

After we ate we had asked one of the employees to take a group picture of us. About 15 minutes later we departed for pizza California. Didn’t stay at Cali for long and drove home a quater before eleven.

Slept soon afterwards.

Morning.

 I managed to wake up not drenched tired as the previous day. This morning was filled with a conversation. Since i had taken a shower the night before. I managed to get ready and be out the house by 7:45. During the car ride to school “grumble, grumble, grumble”, my stomach growled loudly due to the insufficient amount of food. I had to eat, so i headed over to the cafeteria and orderered the breakfast panini. The breakfast panini a mixture of eggs, cheese, ham and a nicely toasted texas bread. One word could explain this “sourdoughy”, and if you know me that means “good”.

During class.

We watched a movie in social psychology. Somehow i managed to be the talk of the classroom, after my teacher showed us a book entitled “Part Asian American, 100% Happa”. For those of us that don’t have a dictionary for a brain happa simply means mixture. I being part vietnamese and part mexican was brought into discussion. Professor Beckum asked me “How do you feel it when people can never seem to get your nationality right?”. I simply responded that i’ve gotten used to it over the years, there has been only one person that had guessed my nationality right! So getting are you white, or filipino is a commonlity that i have grown too familiar with.  But the after response is always a good one “Wow that’s an interesting mix” or “I’ve never heard of that before whose Mexican and whose Vietnamese?”. I kind of enjoy it now, but in my younger days nothing really annoyed me more. I guess I like to see how people resond to it, especially the facial expressions they give. Makes me feel like i’m unique in my own special way or some outsider like a martian.

The other classes went by fast as i was not paying much attention in them

The atmosphere that lingers in my house seems to be nothing but negativity.

What am i suppose to do when all you can seem to say to me are nothing but negative comments. Just sit back and listen as you desimate those beers and act so vulger.

No Father. Something needs to be said so that you can finally realize your faults.I love you but sometimes i feel its love/hate.